hard question of the month: are you a woman who lifts or carries?

stop talking away your credibility + value

{On Gwyneth Paltrow’s site goop.com, the BE section has done a great job of capturing things that affect women every day. So when I came across a piece titled “How Women Undermine Themselves with Words” – an interview with Tara Mohr – I thought it would be great to share this wisdom with you.}

“Here are some of the “little things” women do in speech and writing that aren’t really “little.” In fact, they have a huge impact in causing us to come across as less competent and confident:

Inserting just: “I just want to check in and see…” “I just think…” Just tends to make us sound a little apologetic and defensive about what we’re saying. Think about the difference between the sound of “I just want to check in and see…” and “I want to check in and see…” or the difference between “I just think” and “I think…”

Inserting actually: “I actually disagree…” “I actually have a question.” It actually makes us sound surprised that we disagree or have a question—not good!

Using qualifiers: “I’m no expert in this, but…” or “I know you all have been researching this for a long time, but…” undermines your position before you’ve even stated your opinion.

Asking, “Does that make sense?” or “Am I making sense?”: I used to do this all the time. We do it with good intentions: We want to check in with the other people in the conversation and make sure we’ve been clear. The problem is, “does that make sense” comes across either as condescending (like your audience can’t understand) or it implies you feel you’ve been incoherent.”

for the complete interview {which you should read!} click here

a.

F*ck “try.”
Trying is an open invitation to failure,
just another way of saying,
“If I fail, it’s not my fault, I tried.”
…success is the result of knowing what to do, the willingness to do it, and
the drive to continually improve at it.

― Tim S. Grover

hard question of the month: do you know how to make your success sustainable?

how to give a presentation: advice from anthony robbins

{ok, he didn’t give me the advice personally but you know how much I love the guy so I don’t think he’ll mind}

In the 2014 Advice Issue of Fortune Magazine, Anthony Robbins is featured as the CEO whisperer; it’s a great title but for me he’ll always be a life whisperer – his book Unlimited Power changed my life when I was 17. No one had told me that I was, or could be, the master of my fate. To learn, at such a young age, that by taking a proactive approach to life and business I could improve my odds of becoming successful was invaluable. The book shaped the way I made decisions and cultivated a sense of self-worth in me that was unavailable from external sources. Anthony Robbins taught me that I had the power to create my own path and validate my own pass. SAY WORD.

Robbins’ Rules: How to Give a Presentation
Five tips for engaging a crowd like Tony.

1 DO YOUR HOMEWORK

“My first thing in preparing for a presentation,” says Robbins, “is you’ve got to know your audience and what their deepest needs are, their deepest desires, and their deepest concerns. That’s more important than anything else. You have to carve your message and really make sure that it’s going to hit the mark for who you’re speaking with. So I usually do quite a bit of homework in advance, and I have a team of people who also do homework. You can’t add value until you know their needs.”

2 RESPECT YOUR AUDIENCE

“It’s not enough just to know your audience. You’ve got to honestly respect them too. You can’t influence someone you’re judging. So when I sit down and do the slides, I think, ‘Who’s in this audience? What do I respect about them? What do I appreciate about them?’ That gives me a connection with them that I—and they­—can feel.”

3 GO DEEP QUICKLY

“The next question is to ask, ‘How am I going to engage them from the very beginning—to quickly get to what matters to them?’ And to engage other people, you’ve got to be engaged. One way to engage is with shock. Or entertainment. But I think, ‘Let’s engage with the truth. Let’s go for what’s real and raw.’”

4 KNOW YOUR OUTCOME

“You need an outline of what you want to do, but the key is to know your outcome. I pick outcomes that I’m passionate about. I don’t think anyone should ever speak about anything they’re not passionate about. If you’re not passionate about something, no one else is going to be, and you’re wasting everyone’s time.”

5 EMBRACE SPONTANEITY

“Some people clearly need a sequence in their presentation to be able to function, and I understand that. But you also have to be able to flex so that you can be real and in the moment. People are starving for spontaneity. Everybody’s sick of watching somebody do a PowerPoint. I mean, it’s just absurd.”

for the whole article, click here

hard question of the month: can you stop gossiping about other women?

melinda gates’ golden rules

the good stuff from a woman who walks her talk…

1. Trust yourself. This is the most important thing. Everybody has an inner truth and if you learn how to listen to it, you’ll be happier in everything you do.

2. Make time for quiet self-reflection. There are distractions everywhere, and you need to connect with nature and quiets truths to live a meaningful, balanced life.

3. Cultivate great friends and keep them close. Tell them what you’re learning and what you’re excited about, and they’ll do the same for you.

4. Be a lifelong learner. Learn new topics. Take up new hobbies. Revisit a subject you thought you learned in school. You will be amazed at what you don’t know and what the world holds in store.

5. Broaden your world view. I didn’t know anything about half of the world until I was in my early thirties. I’ve spent the last 20 years filling in that gap and its one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done.

6. Connect deeply with others. Our humanity is the one thing that we all have in common.

7. Get a good night’s sleep! I’m talking about eight hours. And while you’re at it, exercise. Your mind and body need it.

8. Laugh aloud as often as possible. Laugh with others. Laugh at yourself. However you laugh, do it with abandon.

9. Teach your children your values – don’t just teach them how to tie their shoes and do multiplication tables. Teach them how to think about the important things in life.

10. Read books with your friends and family and talk about them. You learn and grow more when you do it within a community.

{source: Porter Magazine, Winter 2014}

Don’t wait for your Oscar. Don’t wait to be praised, anointed, or validated. Don’t wait for someone to give you permission to lead. Don’t wait for someone to invite you to share your voice. No one is going to discover you. {Well, actually, they will, but paradoxically, only after you’ve started boldly and consistently stepping into leadership, sharing your voice, and doing things that scare the hell out of you}

 

—Tara Mohr

hard question of the month: are you willing to change to get what you want?

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