musings: Rich Roll

{an excerpt from the article Why You Should Stop Hacking Your Life and Invest In The Journey by Rich Roll}

Now let’s examine what happens when you try to be the very best you can be at something you are inherently passionate about. Suddenly the heart beats faster. The palms begin to sweat. Maybe it’s excitement. But more likely it’s fear. That’s right, fear. Commitment — total dedication to the core — is about as scary as it gets. It’s not just hard. It’s without a doubt the most difficult thing imaginable. Because if you take that risk, truly put yourself completely on the line and fail {or succeed — yes fear of success plagues more than you might imagine}, then you will have to reckon with yourself. Terrifying!

…No shortcuts. Just a good, solid Malcolm Gladwell-esque 10,000+ hours of downright busting your ass on something that means everything to you. Toiling in obscurity. Failing relentlessly. Picking yourself up off the floor when all is lost and going the extra mile when nobody is looking. Slow, incremental progress. Tiny hard fought victories along the way that begin to take form. And ultimately congeal to lay the foundation for a life and legacy that has true value…

…Don’t misunderstand. I like goals and I like achieving them. They keep me focused and act as powerful drivers that lend structure to my day. But it’s crucial to emotionally detach from the end result or third-party reception to your efforts. Let it go. It’s none of your business. It’s also irrelevant. But what is relevant is signing up for the journey. What is crucial is showing up at the starting line. What is essential is taking that first step, followed by a second, on what I can only hope will be a pilgrimage that will last the remainder of your days in this short life. Irrespective of success or failure (subjective terms anyway), you are guaranteed to experience what it is like to be fully invested in something, anything. This is what it is to be completely alive. And that is the gift.

Rich Roll is a world renowned ultra-distance triathlete, wellness advocate, host of the popular Rich Roll Podcast & #1 bestselling author of Finding Ultra: Rejecting Middle Age, Becoming One of the World’s Fittest Men & Discovering Himself . You can read his musings and listen to his conversations at richroll.com.

am.xo

p.s. Rich’s book Finding Ultra is one of my favourite workout.every.d*mn.day. inspirations. Oh what the human body is capable of…

Beginning today, set an intention and a relentless focus on living your life as the greatest person you can be, in all situations. Demand that you demonstrate a strength of character in such a way that you find pride in who you are, and that others see you as a role model.

― Brendon Burchard

getting out of the weeds

 

More Mel Robbins because she nails it in 5 minutes.

hard question of the month: how would the person you would like to be do what you are about to do?

to be powerful

What does it take to be a powerful woman in 2014?

To be powerful in 2014 {and always}, a woman requires the skill of self-mastery. As defined, it is the power to control one’s actions, impulses, or emotions. If we can do this, then we can become impervious to external circumstances or influence. Our sense of self will no longer be determined by others. Our sense of security will no longer rise and fall with changes beyond our control. We will no longer succumb to the call of self-pity {and if we do, we won’t linger there too long}. We will not be pulled and pushed by the needs of others or defined by the relationships in our lives. This is freedom and this kind of freedom has a name, it’s POWER.

By cultivating self-mastery, we open ourselves up to our highest potential and release ourselves from the impact of having an untethered life. 

What you need to know is that self-mastery begins as a habit to be developed and then becomes a character trait, but it is never fully achieved. It is a moving target that requires our attention and will be tested every day. Self-mastery is a big concept; one that I will continue to explore on this blog and one that I encourage you to explore on your own. For now though, here are 5 tips to get you started {pick one, then add another when you’re ready}:

  1. Develop a talent that requires daily practice. The commitment to a consistent and regular practice schedule needed to improve and develop a talent, builds inner resolve and strength that can help overcome the pull of surrender in other areas of your life.
  2. Meditate. The ability to calm the mind, clearing it of thought also builds self-mastery. It requires focus and practice and discipline.
  3. Exercise. Running, walking, cycling, hiking, playing a sport, martial arts, any kind of regular workout builds inner strength. Our resolve to act in the face of the urge to sit, to rest, to watch TV, to take the path of least resistance, can be a great source of inner mastery.
  4. Stop eating before you’re full. The self-control necessary to do this will benefit you elsewhere in your life as well. It’s been said, that if you cannot control how much you eat, you will not likely be very successful at controlling other areas of your life {this one is harsh but I believe, as a holistic nutritionist and as someone that has struggled with this in the past, it needs to be said}.
  5. Do something hard. Set the goal. Create the action plan. Set the schedule. Go it done. And repeat.

Leonardo da Vinci says, “…the height of a man’s success is gauged by his self-mastery; the depth of his failure by his self-abandonment…He who cannot establish dominion over himself will have no dominion over others.”

I say, word.

am.xo

how to stop screwing yourself

 

Meet Mel Robbins. I’ve just discovered her work and I love this talk for you {especially on a Monday}. You need to know about her 5 second rule to stop screwing yourself. It’s easy, it makes sense and it works. We can call it my new favourite thing. More on Mel to come, but for now…dig into this.

am.xo

I can be changed

by what happens to me.

But I refuse to be reduced by it.

― Maya Angelou, RIP

 

on being relentless

I think of the word relentless and I think of a character trait that women have been socialized to avoid. We never want to seem harsh or inflexible. The very thought of a woman being incessant in the pursuit of her goals almost automatically brings up the B word. Not to me. But to many of us and to society at large, this is true. So my question is…

Is being relentless necessary?

To be honest, adopting or teaching this skill had never crossed my mind until I came across the book Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable by Tim S. Grover. In a nutshell, the man responsible for the sports performance and motivation of Micheal Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade and other high calibre athletes wrote a book on what it takes to achieve that kind of success. THAT KIND OF SUCCESS. You know what I mean right? I’m not talking about a few wins, I’m talking about winning over and over again. I’m talking about winning so much that losing is a surprise to you. THAT KIND OF SUCCESS.

I picked up the book and could not put it down but by the end of it I understood 2 things very clearly:

  1. By saying that being relentless is only socially acceptable in men, we are doing a tremendous disservice to women and girls.
  2. I have not even scratched the surface of my potential and neither have you. Trust me. {gulp, it’s a tough one to swallow}.

The book was intimidating, motivating, useful and certainly not for the faint of heart. The book is a cold hard slap to the ego. If you think, as I did, that great should be good enough than this book is not for you. If you are interested in the extent of what is possible for you, and are not anxious about what that says about where you are right now, then brace yourself, and read this book.

Some important takeaways from Relentless: From Good to Great to Unstoppable by Tim S. Grover:

  • crave the end result so intensely that the work is irrelevant
  • do the hardest things first, just to show there’s no task too big
  • you can’t commit to excellence until your mind is ready to take you there
  • you keep pushing yourself harder when everyone else has had enough
  • you make decisions, not suggestions

And to answer the question, YES! I believe that being relentless in the pursuit of your highest potential is necessary for women.

Now more than ever. Get the book HERE.

am.xo

Luxury is not a necessity to me,

but beautiful and good things are.

― Anaïs Nin

Persuasion works by appealing to certain deeply rooted human responses. Robert Cialdini, author of the book Influence, has identified 6 of those responses:

  1. LIKING – if people like you – because they sense that you like them, or because of things you have in common – they’re  more apt to say yes to you.
  2. RECIPROCITY – People tend to return favors. If you help people, they’ll help you. If you behave in a certain way (cooperatively, for example), they’ll respond in kind.
  3. SOCIAL PROOF – People will do things they see other people doing – especially if those people seem similar to them.
  4. COMMITMENT AND CONSISTENCY – People want to be consistent, or at least to appear to be. If they make a public, voluntary commitment, they’ll try to follow through.
  5. AUTHORITY – People defer to experts and to those in positions of authority (and typically underestimate their tendency to do so).
  6. SCARCITY – People value things more if they perceive them to be scarce.

{excerpted from The Uses {and Abuses} of Influence, the Harvard Business Review, June/July 2103, p.79}

I also believe…

Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion.

-Aristotle

power pose: how to own it with your body language

Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how “power posing” — standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident — can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success.

{source credit: www.ted.com/talks}

a little healthy hubris is good for you

hu·bris • (h)yo͞obris/noun | a great or foolish amount of pride or confidence; it is a failure to recognize your own defects

Yes, I am asking you to embrace the concept of having a great or foolish amount of pride or confidence. Only I don’t think it is foolish at all. I believe it is necessary. I believe for us to have a fighting chance at success in all aspects of our lives, we need to go beyond the propagated idea that excessive humility and self-denigration are useful characteristics for a woman. They are not. In fact, I believe there are too many voices telling us directly and indirectly to stay small.

And I say f*ck that noise.

We have to believe in ourselves and our own abilities before anyone else can or will. We have to do this regardless of what we’ve been told to believe, raised to believe or expected to believe. Period. “Fake it until you make it” is not just a catchphrase for the self-help or sales industry, it can be a lifeline from a bumpy past to your very bright future. You have to believe in yourself. Or at least begin to try to believe, that you are the greatest thing to ever happen to your life. Because YOU ARE.

Healthy Hubris looks like:

  • asking for what you want
  • self-advocating
  • just saying thank you for a compliment {instead of explain it away}
  • prioritizing your self-care
  • celebrating other women who make it happen {until you join them}
  • challenging yourself to leap across your fear
  • trusting your instincts
  • saying NO when you want to
  • checking your negative self-talk
  • learning to praise yourself daily
  • self-love in bad*ss new way.

When was the last time “you failed to recognize your own defects?” 

HEALTHY HUBRIS. I want you to try it. 

am.xo

 

My life didn’t please me,

so I created my life.
― Coco Chanel

I have to open this post with a bit of an explanation. When I was in my early twenties and beginning my career as a real estate agent, I could not get enough of the personal development movement, all of these talented speakers spoke directly to my timid heart; they taught me how to shape my perspective, the power of my own mind, how to cultivate self-confidence and in the cut-throat world of  sales, how to grow some b*lls. Here is one of my absolute favourites:

{the video is 14 minutes and pretty dated in its aesthetic + economics but every bit the wake up call you might need right now}

What Jim Rohn Believes:

  •  You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.
  • The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly.
  • Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment.
  • Let others lead small lives, but not you.. Let others argue over small things, but not you.. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you.. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.
  • Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines, practiced every day.
  • Learn how to be happy with what you have while you pursue all that you want.
  • Miss a meal if you have to, but don’t miss a book.
  • Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure.

Jim Rohn was the first person that said, “if you invest in your job you will make a living but if you invest in yourself, you will make a fortune.” My mind was blown and then completely changed. My fortune has manifested in many different ways throughout my life, but because of this man’s work I never wake up feeling anything less than abundant and blessed. And my hope is that you do too.

am.xo

how to live with mistakes

I have learned to like my mistakes. Definitely not in the moment, but in retrospect things were never as bad as I thought they were. And believe me, things were {felt} really awful at the time. We all feel it don’t we? That our mistakes somehow define us and that it is impossible to see ourselves in a positive light again? It can feel so limiting {and even hopeless}. But the truth is, as women, our ability to deal with mistakes is tied rather tightly with the idea that we have to be perfect.

Striving for perfection is crippling and can paralyze you. But progress, now that’s totally doable. If our lives were composed of one perfect moment after another, we would be robbed of the feeling of true success, the bliss of finding real love and the beauty of a rainbow. Things would be truly blah. My mistakes have made it possible to be grateful for all the wonder and joy in my life. My mistakes have helped me reach higher and push harder for what I want. And to do this. To be okay with your mistakes. You need to know a few things…

{an abbreviated excerpt from The Beauty of Getting it Wrong by Bonnie Tsui for O Magazine, January 2014}

Our minds are highly attuned to focus on what we’ve done wrong, not what we’ve done right. With regard to mistakes most of us fall into one 1 or 2 categories; the fixed mindset or the growth mindset. The fixed mindset tries to shut out the mistake all together and not acknowledge it. This is unfortunate, because according to recent research, acknowledging our slipups is critical to recovering from them. The growth mindset, identifies what went wrong and then adapts accordingly – it’s easier for these people to get back on their feet. The key: self-compassion. “Several studies show that when we practice a new way of approaching failure, it can change an error from something we fear into something we embrace,” says Kristin Neff, PhD, associate professor of human development and culture at the University of Texas at Austin. “The hardest part is giving yourself permission to relate to the mistake differently.”

“We found that people who were taught to be kind to themselves felt more motivated to see their mistakes as a chance for growth,” says lead researcher Juliana Breines, PhD. “Outside validation didn’t seem to matter as much.”

Talk to yourself from the perspective of a caring, problem solving friend. No excoriation necessary.

{for the entire article, click HERE}

So there you have it, another invitation to shift your perspective on things. I know it’s not an easy feat, but if you begin to apply self-compassion to your little mistakes, you will find your ability to deal with big mistakes has dramatically improved. By then you’ll be okay with not being perfect and maybe even a little thrilled by your progress.

am.xo

 

Sally Hogshead believes the greatest value you can add is to become more of yourself. As world-class branding expert Sally discovered a new way to measure how people perceive your communication. She helps you find out what makes you intensely valuable to others, so the world will see you at your best.

What Sally Hogshead Believes: 

  • The world is not changed by people who sort of care
  • In a competitive environment, the most fascinating option always wins
  • Stand out, or don’t bother
  • You can be comfortable, or outstanding, but not both
  • Forget what your business card says. You’re an entrepreneur
  • Live in verbs
  • Passion is the ultimate way to add value to your clients
  • If you’re not eliciting a negative response from someone, you’re probably not fascinating to anyone

To get more insight from Sally Hogshead, I recommend her refreshing book Fascinate: Your 7 Triggers to Persuasion & Captivation. Her writing covers the often overlooked subject of how the world sees you and how to use that information to your advantage. This book is right for you if you are reworking or questioning your identity, a brand or developing a new marketing campaign. No matter what you believe dear hearts…there is something fascinating about you and your work! 

am.xo

There is something more. There is something better. Yes you should have it. Yes you should pursue it. Lose sleep over it and definitely put your whole heart into it. I believe in having it all. The best health. Deeply loving relationships. Thorough compassion for yourself. Automatic peace of mind. Discipline that is not punishing. Confidence that honours the greatness within you. And rewards that are worthy of your highest potential.

At some point you have to step to the giants.

―Eric Thomas

I believe in you. I believe in everything that is possible for you. But first you have to step to the giants…

ego.   

fear. 

anger. 

The trifecta of unhappiness. These troublemakers are holding you back, keeping you up at night, eating away at your backbone and causing so much of the anxiety that is preventing you from living your best life. You know it. I know it. And it’s time for you to put an end to it. But how right? That’s the million dollar question. How do you unpack years of baggage? How do you look fear in the eye and then look past it? How do you stop trying to prove yourself and start really being yourself? How do you stop believing all the crap people have told you about you? How do you forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made? How do you stop justifying why you deserve better or more? How do you leave the unchangeable past in the past? It’s a long list isn’t it? So much to work through and so much to figure out. 

Hopefully, in that special place – between the questions and the answers – you will allow me to be your guide, your cheerleader, your resource and your game changer. I want this blog to shake you up a bit. Get you fired up. Get you ready. And then GET YOU GOING! 

 welcome to your new journey

+ welcome to the blog

am.xo

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